School Sucks

Yay! Bailamos yesterday, thank you klutz and jaggerbomb for coming! sorry i took so long to come out.... jelly told me you both were contrived a plan to throw me into the river. hahahaha

anyway we shall meet real soon please! :)

Anyhow, am currently situated in the library thinking of ideas for my IDEA JOURNAL for only the lamest course ever - CREATIVE THINKING. Did I mention that my Prof is the least creative, most uncharismatic person EVER? oh yea, there I just said it.

SMU is a bitch

my lovessssssss

The Klutz is missing The Accountant and The Jaggerbomb very very much. SMU is a steaming pile of shit and i count down the days till I am free from this hellhole.

ANYWAY ...moving on to brighter and shinier things!

WESTLIFE IS COMING TO SINGAPOREEEEEEEEEEE

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg like seriously.

The Accountant and The Klutz are gonna be within panty throwing distance i promise you.

Research Methods in Social Science is a yawn. Save me.

Threesome Thursday this thursday PLEASE.

Much Love

-The Klutz

The Bangkok Trip

The Accountant will dutifully revive this dying blog because she is missing the klutz and the jaggerbomb very much...!

As if you all do not know, the three of us went on a trip recently.

rather, an escapade.

we delved into the realms of BANGKOK!!!!

miss jaggerbomb caught on to the whole thai atmosphere really quickly,

shooting swadekas and kupkoonkas (however you spell it) at almost all the thai people we know. She also unfortunately, was the first one to go broke at every shopping expedition we had.

miss klutz on the other hand remained herself - bumping her head on the head rest too many times to actually count. And that woman made us walk about only 10billion kilometers to find her satay amongst the 20billion street stalls in Bangkok. imagine our exhaustion!!!! it was like standard chartered all over again.

I am of course, the best. I bowed to a Singaporean air stewardess while trying to get in touch with the whole thai thing. What can I say, she totally did not play along with me. She merely stared at me blankly like I was some kinda freak - can't blame her for not reciprocating my uber friendly greeting, it was afterall mother 2am in the morning.

boy - jetstar was sure freezing cold.

The freezing cold airplane could only mean one thing - my face froze. I neatly, and ingeniously covered my face with my sweater!

The jaggerbomb got a shock of her life when she saw me i swear! it was funny.

Gosh, thinking back the Bangkok trip was probably the best ever.

Great shopping(!!!!!!!), food, "ANTM photoshoots", great deal of sleep, massages, heart to heart talks, above all the best company one could ever ask for!!

Money was spent without any thought - we later suffered severe repercussions from the total lack of moolah....

We bitched about Edward Cullen, ate lousy melted ice cream, cooed at the sounds of Ewan Mcgregor, screamed when seven heaven played, had a glimpse of my lousy butt, slept in swimming costumes and robes, pranced around in undergarments.

Oh god, what fun what fun.

We couldn't believe that we were actually coming back to the land of expensive shit - singapore:(:(

se7en: Of Graces and Lateness

SCENE 1 ACT 1

Start scene:

March 11th 2025, at the Marriott Hotel

2pm.

Calista enters with her brood of children and bible in hand

CALISTA: "okok good im not late!!!!"

Checking her phone she receives 5 new text messages.


message 1
Nicole: IM GONNA BE 5MINS LATE THE F*CKING JURY TAKING DAMN LONG. TODAY I DAMN STRESS OK IM GONNA LOSE LAH LOSE.

message 2
Cheryl: LIKE OMG! I F*CKING JUST SCRATCHED MY PORCHE WHILE PARKING AGAIN. IM TRYING TO CALL MY INSURANCE AGENT. U ALL ORDER FIRST OK!!

message 3
Nicolette: wait how to get to Marriott? im lost debbie's not picking up her phone. I'm trying to get a cab, I forgot my Burberry umbrella also. gotta go home and take. the sun veh hot.

message 4
Debbie: I'LL BE ABIT LATE. :) oh someone tell Nic how to get to Marriott can...

message 5
Laura: F*CK LAH.. I'M STILL WAITING FOR ANDRE TO FETCH ME THERE. BE THERE SOON!


CALISTA: whats new.. (rolls eyes) children read your bibles in silence..



SCENE 1 ACT 2

After 5minutes, Nicole runs in flustered (what’s new), in full court attire, heels clattering loudly and starts a bit of a rant.

NICOLE: sorry sorry!!! OMG YOU KNOW THE F*CKING JUDGE……….WHERE THE HELL WHERE IS EVERYBODY. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE LATE AH. CALL THAT DEBBIE BEINS SURE HAVEN’T WAKE UP

CALISTA: children cover your ears! Don’t mind Aunt Nicole.

After 15 minutes, Cheryl struts in with her Jimmy Choos with a Louis Vuitton bag and a graphic calculator.

CHERYL: OMG YOU KNOW I HAVE TO PAY SO MUCH INSURANCE.
flashes the dimond encrusted graphic calculator and shows a sum of $100,000

Upon seeing Calista’s brood,

CHERYL: AWW!! SO CUTE!! <3

Nicolette is seen walking right past the café. Luckily Laura sees the directionally-challenged poor soul and pulls her back. They both make their way to the table to the fuming trio.

NICOLETTE: Sorry, forgot my Burberry umbrella, got jam on that…highway.

LAURA: Sorry ah, Andre was working.

Nicole, rolls eyes, face flushing.

NICOLE: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO MSG WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE NOT AFTER YOU ARE ALREADY LATE. Always know, so annoying.

Awkward silence. Everyone except Calista avoids Nicole’s stare. Suddenly, Debbie saunters in with her bright pink frock from Roberto Cavalli and her 6 inch Manolo Blahniks.

NICOLE: WHY ARE YOU SO LATE BEINS???!!! F*CKING OVRSLEPT AGAIN RIGHT!!

DEBBIE: hee hee.. I brought Chardonnay and Pinot Blanc..

CALISTA: Debbie I brought my kids! And I don’t drink remember? Bad influence you know. You know what alcohol does…. (rambles on)

Debbie sneaks Calista’s kids some Bailey’s.

DEBBIE: to calista, don’t worry la I brought susu for the kids and Michelle. By the way where is that Malaysian?

CHERYL & NICOLE: OH YEA RIGHT!! THAT BITCH NEH REPLY OUR TEXTS AGAIN!! MUST BE ON MAXIS.

NICOLETTE (in annoying whiny tone): CAN WE EAT FIRST I’M HUNGRY! WHERES MY CAVIAR?!?!

CHERYL: ANYONE WANNA SHARE SOMETHING?? I’M ON A DIET!! MY WAIST ALREADY 10INCHES! NIC WANNA SHARE?

NICOLETTE: F*CK OFF IM HUNGRY. SHARE WITH CALI’S KIDS……

CALISTA: no lah cannot.. My kids only eat Avocado-Mango sushi. Its very healthy!! It lowers the risk of heart disease! AND its good for skin you know! I read this study..

(cutting her off)
DEBBIE: OH GAWD ARE YOU SERIOUS? Lets order la.


SCENE 1 ACT 3

Laura snaps her fingers and HOOBA comes..

HOOBA: I am Hooba and I shall be your slave for today. May I please be so honoured as to take your order, gorgeous wonderful smart mademoiselles?

LAURA: Yea Bitch I’m starving. I want the Kobe with a side of Escargot.

NICOLE: I’ll have the Lobster platter for two.

NICOLETTE: I’ll have the Fillet Mignon with extra Caviar.

CHERYL: I want Foie Gras and a Truffle garden salad.

CALISTA: I’ll have the fusion chicken with oriental wholewheat rice. Oh and Avocado.

DEBBIE: I’ll have what I had yesterday. Except make sure you use more alcohol.



SCENE 1 ACT 4

The food arrives. As Nicolette anxiously brings the fork closer to her mouth, a voice rings out in the distance.

MICHELLE: DROP THAT FORK PAGAN!! NEVER SAY GRACE RIGHT!!

Michelle enters wearing a Standard Chartered T-shirt and FBT shorts (NTU attire all from the pasar malam).

NICOLETTE: WHAT THE F*CK YOU WEARING? THIS IS THE FREAKING MARRIOTT. NOT A PRATA SHOP!

CHERYL: YEA. ITS NOT MALAYSIA ALSO AH!

MICHELLE: sorry I’m late... There was a jam on the causeway… Darryl was riding his Yamaha damn dangerously man. Almost died! You know ah… we got held up at customs also! Then some lorry nearly banged us. Wah lau man this place damn expensive. Can just go Katong eat Laksa.

DEBBIE: F*ck no. so un-attas.

NICOLE: WHY DIDN’T YOU REPLY OUR MESSAGES?

MICHELLE: OH! so now I know why I kept hearing Miley Cyrus in my head!! It was actually my ringtone!! Hannah Montana FTW!!

Hooba proceeds to very politely ask Michelle what she would like.

MICHELLE: I want Prata Kosong with Mutton Curry!

HOOBA: We’re so sorry Madam but we do not serve such common Kopitiam food here.

NICOLE: SHUT THE F*CK UP OR I’LL SUE YOU LAH.

CHERYL: (whips out her platinum card) MAKE IT APPEAR, BITCH.


HOOBA humbly bows then crawls away meekly.


Noise crescendos as everyone begins to talk at the same time. This always happens.


SCENE 1 ACT 5

LAURA: HURRY LAH SAY THE GRACE!

Meanwhile… Half of Nicolette’s Fillet Mignon is gone, Cheryl has Foie Gras all over her teeth, Nicole’s Lobster platter for two became a platter for one, and Debbie cleaned out her plate. Irate, Michelle confiscates everyone’s cutlery and forces everyone to link hands and bow their heads in solemn prayer.

NICOLETTE: I’ll say the grace la… GRACE!! Okie lets eat!

MICHELLE (LOUDLY): NO CANNOT! MUST SAY PROPERLY! IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE... (Nicolette mutters in displeasure) SHOO NICOLETTE. IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, AND THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. BLESS US OH LORD….

As Michelle drones on monotonously, Cheryl attempts to sneak a bite of her truffles. Nicole furiously rolls her eyes. Calista is deep in prayer, earnestly nodding her head at regular intervals. Laura answers a call from Andre. Debbie tries to stay awake. Nicolette tries to chew inconspicuously.

MICHELLE: …THROUGH CHRIST OUR LORD AMEN!

NICOLETTE: FINALLY. DAMN LONG CAN!

As everyone was grabbing back the confiscated cutlery, Michelle utters a shriek of dismay.

MICHELLE: WAIT! GRACE NOT OVER! NEED TO PRAY SO THE FOOD WON’T MAKE US FAT. (continues) Please bless Cristiano Ronaldo, Adam Lambert, Andre, Darryl, Andy Roddick, Brendon Fraser and the Joker!! Please let the food not make us fat -except for Nicolette, who needs the fats- and thank you for our five-figure daily salaries!

SCENE 1 ACT 6

Michelle’s food arrives and everyone eats. Noise escalates at an exponential rate. But then again, the se7en of them booked the ENTIRE café anyways. They’re THAT RICH yo.

THE END.
Hooba remains on her knees, ever the devoted slave licking everyone’s toes.


DISCLAIMER:
THIS IS PURE FICTION. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO EVENTS OR PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD ARE PURLEY COINCIDENTAL. ALLOW US TO REITERATE, THIS IS PURE UTTER COMPLETE FICTION.

COPYRIGHT 2009. ANOTHER AWESOME THREESOME THURSDAY PRODUCTION.

Yea balls.


xoxo,
The Threesome:)

The Goddess of Fierce

Monday saw The klutz and I studying @ Starbucks near school
After our wonderous mugging session,
we began discussing the likes of America's Next Top Model & inevitably this led to the bitching of someone very dear to our heart, Tyra Banks.
(You know she was going to be our bitch target sooner or later)
Well Tyra tyra.. what more can I say??
Girls/idiots, on ANTM screaming/crying when Tyra appear in front of their eyes "OMG ITS TYRRRAAA!!~!!"
As if she's some goddess descended from heaven above.
oh wait, yes, she's a goddess.
The Goddess of Fierce.
When she inherently declared herself as The Goddess of Fierce, I had a moment of silence.
And I solemnly wondered how many eyes have rolled at this preposterous proclamation.
Do not get me started on the Tyra Banks Show.
Wannabe Oprah much.

Yet, one here thinks what would ANTM be without her??
Bland, under-dramatic, something not bitch/gossip-worthy anymore.
I'm sure The Klutz and I would miss her irritable, narcissistic antics.
Her long dramatic pauses when she reads out names of those "who are still in the running of becoming America's Next Top Model".
Her countless self-indulging photos up on the television screen during panel.
Her fake weave.....
The list goes on.
Cycle 13 coming out soon!
Absolutely cannot imagine what Tyra Banks will do this time.

For now, it's just easy, breezy, beautiful....covergirl<3
The Accountant.

Much Love.

The Klutz would like to proclaim her immense fondness for The Accountant and The Jager Bomb. Seriously I never realized exactly how much I love you guys before. Now I find myself waiting anxiously for Threesome Thursdays so I can delight in the awesome familiarity of you people's company and release my pent up frustration with everything wrong with life. It's so therapeutic and oddly comforting. I like.


2 MORE DAYS TO GO:):)

kcians for life

xoxo

The Klutz

Analysis of Evidence.

So as the dear Michael Sodaro, author of Comparative Politics, a Global Introduction would say, No theory can be said to be an infalliable truth UNLESS one is able to back it up by concrete, empirical investigation and evidence.

Well I have a theory, or rather an experimental hypothesis that needs to be put forth, and here it is:

The grating caterwauling that is Miley Cyrus's voice is a phenomena liable to cause extreme and possibly permanent trauma to the senses of all living species.

Right. So now that that's done, let us turn to Michael Sodaro and his trusty checklist to determine the validity of this particular hypothesis.

1) Description of Key Factors

"The grating caterwauling that is Miley Cyrus's voice"

For now, let us ignore the obvious experimentor bias in this statement and focus on the essense of this statement. To put it bluntly, we're talking about her singing voice here.

"Liable to cause extreme and permanent damage to the senses of all living species"

So this is pretty obvious. Lets just define "extreme and permanent damage" as sensory trauma shall we? And to avoid over generalisation here, sensory trauma is to be defined as anything that causes excruciating and unbearable mental discomfort. For the purpose of this experiment of course.

2) The Hypothesis

Cause and effect. Just like in any credible theory, one must determine the independent and dependent variable of the hypothesis to be tested. Here I would say this is pretty straightforward.

Independent Variable: Miley Cyrus Singing
Dependent Variable: Effects on one's senses and mental sanity.

3) Analysis of Evidence

Fuck this I hate that Bitch what else is there to say??!!

I am the evidence. Me and my highly selective taste in quality music. She does NOT measure up. Yowling pregnant cats pale in comparison. Hyennas cower in fear. She. Is. That. Bad.

4) Conclusion

Right so after careful deliberation and consideration of the qualitative evidence presented, I am inclined to say that this hypothesis looks to be heavily supported with minimal discrepencies and that it can in fact be promoted to the ranks of a THEORY.

Thank you for your time.

xoxo

The Klutz