se7en: Of Graces and Lateness

SCENE 1 ACT 1

Start scene:

March 11th 2025, at the Marriott Hotel

2pm.

Calista enters with her brood of children and bible in hand

CALISTA: "okok good im not late!!!!"

Checking her phone she receives 5 new text messages.


message 1
Nicole: IM GONNA BE 5MINS LATE THE F*CKING JURY TAKING DAMN LONG. TODAY I DAMN STRESS OK IM GONNA LOSE LAH LOSE.

message 2
Cheryl: LIKE OMG! I F*CKING JUST SCRATCHED MY PORCHE WHILE PARKING AGAIN. IM TRYING TO CALL MY INSURANCE AGENT. U ALL ORDER FIRST OK!!

message 3
Nicolette: wait how to get to Marriott? im lost debbie's not picking up her phone. I'm trying to get a cab, I forgot my Burberry umbrella also. gotta go home and take. the sun veh hot.

message 4
Debbie: I'LL BE ABIT LATE. :) oh someone tell Nic how to get to Marriott can...

message 5
Laura: F*CK LAH.. I'M STILL WAITING FOR ANDRE TO FETCH ME THERE. BE THERE SOON!


CALISTA: whats new.. (rolls eyes) children read your bibles in silence..



SCENE 1 ACT 2

After 5minutes, Nicole runs in flustered (what’s new), in full court attire, heels clattering loudly and starts a bit of a rant.

NICOLE: sorry sorry!!! OMG YOU KNOW THE F*CKING JUDGE……….WHERE THE HELL WHERE IS EVERYBODY. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE LATE AH. CALL THAT DEBBIE BEINS SURE HAVEN’T WAKE UP

CALISTA: children cover your ears! Don’t mind Aunt Nicole.

After 15 minutes, Cheryl struts in with her Jimmy Choos with a Louis Vuitton bag and a graphic calculator.

CHERYL: OMG YOU KNOW I HAVE TO PAY SO MUCH INSURANCE.
flashes the dimond encrusted graphic calculator and shows a sum of $100,000

Upon seeing Calista’s brood,

CHERYL: AWW!! SO CUTE!! <3

Nicolette is seen walking right past the café. Luckily Laura sees the directionally-challenged poor soul and pulls her back. They both make their way to the table to the fuming trio.

NICOLETTE: Sorry, forgot my Burberry umbrella, got jam on that…highway.

LAURA: Sorry ah, Andre was working.

Nicole, rolls eyes, face flushing.

NICOLE: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO MSG WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE NOT AFTER YOU ARE ALREADY LATE. Always know, so annoying.

Awkward silence. Everyone except Calista avoids Nicole’s stare. Suddenly, Debbie saunters in with her bright pink frock from Roberto Cavalli and her 6 inch Manolo Blahniks.

NICOLE: WHY ARE YOU SO LATE BEINS???!!! F*CKING OVRSLEPT AGAIN RIGHT!!

DEBBIE: hee hee.. I brought Chardonnay and Pinot Blanc..

CALISTA: Debbie I brought my kids! And I don’t drink remember? Bad influence you know. You know what alcohol does…. (rambles on)

Debbie sneaks Calista’s kids some Bailey’s.

DEBBIE: to calista, don’t worry la I brought susu for the kids and Michelle. By the way where is that Malaysian?

CHERYL & NICOLE: OH YEA RIGHT!! THAT BITCH NEH REPLY OUR TEXTS AGAIN!! MUST BE ON MAXIS.

NICOLETTE (in annoying whiny tone): CAN WE EAT FIRST I’M HUNGRY! WHERES MY CAVIAR?!?!

CHERYL: ANYONE WANNA SHARE SOMETHING?? I’M ON A DIET!! MY WAIST ALREADY 10INCHES! NIC WANNA SHARE?

NICOLETTE: F*CK OFF IM HUNGRY. SHARE WITH CALI’S KIDS……

CALISTA: no lah cannot.. My kids only eat Avocado-Mango sushi. Its very healthy!! It lowers the risk of heart disease! AND its good for skin you know! I read this study..

(cutting her off)
DEBBIE: OH GAWD ARE YOU SERIOUS? Lets order la.


SCENE 1 ACT 3

Laura snaps her fingers and HOOBA comes..

HOOBA: I am Hooba and I shall be your slave for today. May I please be so honoured as to take your order, gorgeous wonderful smart mademoiselles?

LAURA: Yea Bitch I’m starving. I want the Kobe with a side of Escargot.

NICOLE: I’ll have the Lobster platter for two.

NICOLETTE: I’ll have the Fillet Mignon with extra Caviar.

CHERYL: I want Foie Gras and a Truffle garden salad.

CALISTA: I’ll have the fusion chicken with oriental wholewheat rice. Oh and Avocado.

DEBBIE: I’ll have what I had yesterday. Except make sure you use more alcohol.



SCENE 1 ACT 4

The food arrives. As Nicolette anxiously brings the fork closer to her mouth, a voice rings out in the distance.

MICHELLE: DROP THAT FORK PAGAN!! NEVER SAY GRACE RIGHT!!

Michelle enters wearing a Standard Chartered T-shirt and FBT shorts (NTU attire all from the pasar malam).

NICOLETTE: WHAT THE F*CK YOU WEARING? THIS IS THE FREAKING MARRIOTT. NOT A PRATA SHOP!

CHERYL: YEA. ITS NOT MALAYSIA ALSO AH!

MICHELLE: sorry I’m late... There was a jam on the causeway… Darryl was riding his Yamaha damn dangerously man. Almost died! You know ah… we got held up at customs also! Then some lorry nearly banged us. Wah lau man this place damn expensive. Can just go Katong eat Laksa.

DEBBIE: F*ck no. so un-attas.

NICOLE: WHY DIDN’T YOU REPLY OUR MESSAGES?

MICHELLE: OH! so now I know why I kept hearing Miley Cyrus in my head!! It was actually my ringtone!! Hannah Montana FTW!!

Hooba proceeds to very politely ask Michelle what she would like.

MICHELLE: I want Prata Kosong with Mutton Curry!

HOOBA: We’re so sorry Madam but we do not serve such common Kopitiam food here.

NICOLE: SHUT THE F*CK UP OR I’LL SUE YOU LAH.

CHERYL: (whips out her platinum card) MAKE IT APPEAR, BITCH.


HOOBA humbly bows then crawls away meekly.


Noise crescendos as everyone begins to talk at the same time. This always happens.


SCENE 1 ACT 5

LAURA: HURRY LAH SAY THE GRACE!

Meanwhile… Half of Nicolette’s Fillet Mignon is gone, Cheryl has Foie Gras all over her teeth, Nicole’s Lobster platter for two became a platter for one, and Debbie cleaned out her plate. Irate, Michelle confiscates everyone’s cutlery and forces everyone to link hands and bow their heads in solemn prayer.

NICOLETTE: I’ll say the grace la… GRACE!! Okie lets eat!

MICHELLE (LOUDLY): NO CANNOT! MUST SAY PROPERLY! IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE... (Nicolette mutters in displeasure) SHOO NICOLETTE. IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, AND THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. BLESS US OH LORD….

As Michelle drones on monotonously, Cheryl attempts to sneak a bite of her truffles. Nicole furiously rolls her eyes. Calista is deep in prayer, earnestly nodding her head at regular intervals. Laura answers a call from Andre. Debbie tries to stay awake. Nicolette tries to chew inconspicuously.

MICHELLE: …THROUGH CHRIST OUR LORD AMEN!

NICOLETTE: FINALLY. DAMN LONG CAN!

As everyone was grabbing back the confiscated cutlery, Michelle utters a shriek of dismay.

MICHELLE: WAIT! GRACE NOT OVER! NEED TO PRAY SO THE FOOD WON’T MAKE US FAT. (continues) Please bless Cristiano Ronaldo, Adam Lambert, Andre, Darryl, Andy Roddick, Brendon Fraser and the Joker!! Please let the food not make us fat -except for Nicolette, who needs the fats- and thank you for our five-figure daily salaries!

SCENE 1 ACT 6

Michelle’s food arrives and everyone eats. Noise escalates at an exponential rate. But then again, the se7en of them booked the ENTIRE café anyways. They’re THAT RICH yo.

THE END.
Hooba remains on her knees, ever the devoted slave licking everyone’s toes.


DISCLAIMER:
THIS IS PURE FICTION. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO EVENTS OR PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD ARE PURLEY COINCIDENTAL. ALLOW US TO REITERATE, THIS IS PURE UTTER COMPLETE FICTION.

COPYRIGHT 2009. ANOTHER AWESOME THREESOME THURSDAY PRODUCTION.

Yea balls.


xoxo,
The Threesome:)